Where the stars go blue
by foreverandeveramen14
Summary: Set in Episode 02x17- Something I Can Never Have; Can Nathan and Haley find their way back to each other before its too late? Or will the universe have to intervene to prove to them that they're meant to be? Always and forever


_Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away_

 _I missed you and things weren't the same_

"Nathan, oh my god. What are you doing here?" Haley says in state of disbelief. Ever since she chose to leave her friends and family behind to go on tour she had dreamed about something like this happening- _Nathan showing up to see her play and them finding a way to make things work, for things to finally seem right again, for things to make sense_. In fact, it was the only thing she seemed to dream about anymore. Which led to her awakening to a deeper sense of guilt with each morning that passed, as it was her fault for not asking him to come along with her in the first place. _Why didn't she ask him to come?_ That question also invaded her daily thoughts, continually circling the drain. It wasn't about Chris, it never was. Even before Nathan knew about the kiss they shared, it was only about the music and the once and a lifetime opportunity to follow her dreams. She often narrowed it down to guilt- the commonality strung throughout her life, her sole source of stability. She felt too guilty to ask Nathan to come along after enjoying the attention she received from Chris, even if it was both unwarranted and unwanted. She had let things get out of hand and betrayed the man she had promised to be faithful to _until death do us part_. Even if it was unintentional, she felt undeserving of his support in something she had tainted. For the first time in her life, tutor girl had royally messed up and she wasn't sure how to fix it. She wasn't used to handling imperfection.

 _Cause everything inside it never comes out right_

 _And when I see you cry it makes me want to die_

"I wanted to see you" Nathan replies, watching the surprise in Haley's face soften into a smile. "I needed to see you. I-" He pauses, unsure of what to say next despite going over it again and again in his head on the car ride there. Luckily for him, Haley senses the hesitation in his voice and cuts him off "I'm so glad you did. I miss you." Her arms were now locked around him, her head burrowed against his chest. For the first time in months, he was able to breathe in her scent. He closes his eyes, taking it all in for a moment before breaking away from their embrace. He begins again, "Listen, I asked you to marry me because I wanna spend my life with you. I still want that. I love you, Haley." Despite longing to hear those words for so long, Haley's face is struck with terror. She manages to mutter that she loves him too, meanwhile thinking how she doesn't deserve this. "So I came here for you and I'll be here for you no matter what." Nathan continues, "I'll go on the tour, I'll wait for you, whatever you want me to do. I'm not giving up on us. I'm not giving up on our marriage."

 _I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you_

 _And I know I can't take it back_

Haley takes a step back, suddenly feeling suffocated. This is too much. How can she ask him to put her first and place his dreams on hold when she wouldn't do the same for him? And why didn't she consider these things prior to him standing in front of her? "I don't know what to say" She responds truthfully, as she was in fact at a loss for words. Her heart was screaming at her to say more- to say anything- but the pain present in Nathan's eyes prevented her from doing such. Nathan releases his gaze and shifts his attention back to the pictures of his wife and Chris hanging on her dressing room mirror, no longer happy to see the one from their wedding day taped beside it. "Oh, no-no, Chris and I aren't together, I promise you. It's never been about that." Haley proclaims immediately, trying to divert Nathan from thinking about the worst possibility in the situation. His gaze returns to her, but quickly hardens as her hand is now in his and his finger is circling where her wedding ring should be. His attention is fixed upon the empty space as he says, "You're not wearing your ring."

 _I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round_

 _And I just wanted to say I'm sorry_

 _Because I can't, because I don't deserve to._ She thinks, but instead blurts out "I love you. Oh, I do." She pauses, trying to find the words to match the thoughts in her head. "But I feel like maybe we rushed things. Maybe I, I rushed things a little bit. We're so young and I wasn't ready for all this." She opts for in an attempt to place the blame on herself, though not realize she's making it seem like their marriage was a mistake. "You and the music and… now it's happening all at once and… it's really hard. I don't know if I can be who you need me to be." Haley rambles on while blinking back the tears now forming in her eyes. _You should hate me_. "All I want you to be is my wife. Is that too much to ask?" Nathan responds while running his hands through his hair, his pain now being mixed with frustration. This is not how he had envisioned this conversation going.

 _This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days_

 _You get older and blame turns to shame_

Haley's mouth opens as she attempts to answer, but she is cut off by the voice of the stage manager "Haley! We're ready." She looks at her manager pleadingly, knowing that she has to go but unable to move without giving Nathan a proper explanation. If she goes now- if she choose music over him again- she knows she will lose him for good. Even if she doesn't feel deserving of his kindness, of his forgiveness and willingness to be whatever she needs him to be, this can't be the end. "I can't go on" Haley states, point blank to the man tapping his foot in front of her. "I'm sorry, I can't" She continues, "Family emergency." With that, Haley reaches for Nathan's hand and motions towards the exit. As soon as the door swings shut behind them and the crisp air hits their faces, Haley mumbles "Let's go back to my hotel room. We can talk there, okay?" Nathan nods, as he hands Haley the keys.

 _Every single day I think about how we came all this way_

 _The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right_

 _Oh yeah sorry!_

Song: "Sorry"- Buckcherry


End file.
